(no subject)

[river_meimei]

River's wearing her brown coat, as she does most days.

In one pocket: a wooden ring. An iron ankh. A black handkerchief.

She slips them between her fingers inside her pocket as she paces through the ship, watching her other hand slide along the bulkhead below a clustered length of wiring.

Comments

[river_meimei]

River is Del's.

Delirium brings relief; Delirium brings pain; Del is in the sunlight and the dance and the sterile light that glints off scalpels and hypodermic needles.

It affects her opinion, maybe.

Softly, "He's sorry too."

[gonna_live]

"I know it." She looks down again, thought-gathering. "Thing is -- "

And up.

"He is what he is, all of him, and he's lucky, you know? That he's all separated out like that, personality-wise. You got the young one, who's kind as it gets, and the older one, who's smart -- and you got the one we don't like to think's a part of anybody, or ever could be. He don't got a choice in it, though. Because that's who he is, and that's all he is."

She lets out a quick breath. "I had a choice in it. Only I didn't, because I did what I had to."

"I just don't know if I did right."

[river_meimei]

River knows nightmare's a part of people. Of everybody.

She had good teachers for that lesson.

"Yes," she says softly.

"Said it. What you have to."

"Did the job."

[gonna_live]

She's nodding. "I know." Low. "I'm just -- no way I can see to get past this, except time, and every time it looks like we're startin', somethin' new comes into it. And I can carry it, it's just -- "

Another quick sigh. She slices a half into quarters.

"Bein' his -- that's never been hard before. Never felt anything but blessed by it. But when it counted, with this -- " A brief sad smile. Very brief. "You can't play a player, and I guess what it comes down to is I should've known not to try to use his protection to protect against him."

[river_meimei]

"Can't," River says.

And then looks away, face slackening in confusion; it's a moment before she looks back and says, head lifting slightly, "Gonna be all right."

[gonna_live]

"Shi a." Soft, as she cuts the quarters one more time. "Always is."

[river_meimei]

"I know it."

This is a lie.

But she manages a tiny, half-sad smile with it.

[gonna_live]

"Know somethin' else?"

There isn't visible effort behind her attempt to change the subject. Behind her smile, either.

"You still got a tangelo."

[river_meimei]

That makes her smile grow a little. Firm a little more.

To her hands, "With seeds."

[gonna_live]

"Always a pain tryin' to get 'em out." Kaylee shakes her head a little. "Tell you what -- folk who say spittin' is unladylike never had anything orange-shaped."

[river_meimei]

"It's a sphere. Approximated in the broader sense.

[gonna_live]

"Well, so're the seeds if you want to get technical," Kaylee points out reasonably.

[river_meimei]

River disagrees.

[gonna_live]

Kaylee will survive somehow.