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[river_meimei]

River is sitting on her bunk. She has a long piece of string, and is carefully making cat's cradles.

Subdued. But not quite so withdrawn as she has been.

There's a new -- well, old and well-worn, really -- poncho hanging on a hook in her closet.

Comments

[simon_doctor]

The door slides open, and Simon leans in.

"River?"

[river_meimei]

She doesn't look up. "Shh. It's a delicate stage in the process."

Two loops and a flicking twist of the fingers, and the cat's cradle changes shape.

[simon_doctor]

He slips into the room, sits down next to her on the bed, and watches.

[river_meimei]

More deft flicks unravel the shape back to a simpler one, and from there she starts on Jacob's Ladder.

[simon_doctor]

Quietly: "Roland said he took you to the Dreaming."

[river_meimei]

A very faint smile.

"Got a garden."

[simon_doctor]

An only slightly more pronounced smile. "It sounds nice."

[river_meimei]

Jacob's Ladder becomes a denser, geometric tangle of interlocking diamonds, and then is unraveled back to a single loop of string. She holds her hands out for Simon to join in.

[simon_doctor]

Bred to a harder thing
Than Triumph, turn away
He takes the loop of string from her fingers.
And like a laughing string
Whereon mad fingers play
It's such a normal thing to do. Playing cat's cradle.
Amid a place of stone,
Be secret and exult,
He loops it around his fingers in the first form, holds it out to her.
Because of all things known
That is most difficult.
"Are you feeling any better?"

[river_meimei]

She threads her fingers through, in and around and lifting it from his fingers into the second form.

She doesn't answer.

Then again, two days ago she would never have been playing cat's cradle.

After a minute, "You want to talk to her."

Beat.

"Don't want me to go."

Her eyes are on the string.

[simon_doctor]

He's silent for a moment, winding his fingers through the string and lifting it off her hands into the third form.

"I think it'd be safer if you stayed behind. At the bar."

His eyes are on the string.

[river_meimei]

Whispered, "Safer's not what it means. Gotta."

Fourth form. Her fingers are clumsier, now.

[simon_doctor]

Simon's fingers close over hers, and he looks hard into her face.

"We'll get Anthy out of there. We'll have Roland with us, and the other gunslingers. And the captain and Zoe and Jayne."

Beat.

"You don't have to go back there, meimei."

[river_meimei]

Her face twists.

After a moment, "Yes I do."

[simon_doctor]

"River--"

There's frustration leaking into his voice, and fear.

"You don't have to go just because Roland thinks you should."

[river_meimei]

Her hands jerk in his. Pulling back, but not enough to actually pull free of his gentle hold.

She looks miserable, but there's taut impatience creeping into her voice, too. "I'm not. He's not. Isn't right."

[simon_doctor]

"I don't think it's a good idea."

Beat.

"I don't think you should go."

[river_meimei]

Her gaze wanders off, to a spot near the door.

"I know."

[simon_doctor]

"You'll stay behind, then?"

[river_meimei]

Her face twists.

She doesn't say anything.

The string is tangled around her fingers.

[simon_doctor]

"You can stay in the Dreaming again, even. If you want. We'll be back with Anthy before you know it."

His words are just a bit too rapid to sound as confidently coaxing as they're meant to.

[river_meimei]

Her eyes close.

Barely audible, "Gotta."

She looks up at him, eyes glittering with unshed tears.

"Went for me. Why she's there. She's not supposed to be but she is."

[simon_doctor]

"River, no ..." He squeezes her hands. "This is not your fault--"

Another thread; he grasps at it. "She went to keep you from having to go back. If you go..."

[river_meimei]

She jerks her hands out of his.

"They hurt her because she's me!" Teary and furious, nearly a shout.

[simon_doctor]

His own voice rises in response, closer to shouting than hers. "And they're not getting the chance to hurt you!"

[river_meimei]

"She promised!" Glaring. "Said I'd help. Took the sword. What it means."

"Means I'll come for her!"

[simon_doctor]

I made a promise too --

Simon's on his feet, with no clear idea of how he got there.

"You are not going along on this one, River. You are not setting foot in that place, ever again."

[river_meimei]

Every line of her body shouts stubbornness.

She glares up at him, unyielding.

[simon_doctor]

"Now. You can stay on the ship, but I'd prefer it if you stay at the bar, in case -- "

He breaks off, and starts again.

"We'll bring Anthy out of there, meimei."

[river_meimei]

She's shaking her head, back and forth and back and forth.

Softly, "That's not how it goes."

Swallows.

"Gotta go. It's reciprocal. She can do it."

[simon_doctor]

"River --!"

It's fury now, fury over a suffocating tangle of fear for her. With an effort, he forces his voice down into something approaching a level tone.

"You're not going. I absolutely forbid it."

[river_meimei]

She stiffens, staring at him, and then her eyes narrow.

"Can't." Soft and simple, and definite.

She's well into her own muddle of fear and fury and stubbornness, and the likeness in their faces is showing clearly as their gazes clash.

[simon_doctor]

"If I have to sedate you before we leave --"

[river_meimei]

She flinches, sudden hurt shifting quickly to more anger.

"You're trying to scare her. Won't do it. Think she'll be fooled."

[simon_doctor]

He opens his mouth to deny it, to threaten something worse, something bad enough to frighten her into crying off.

And stops.

(You're on your own. I will not come for you.)

[river_meimei]

She's still glowering up at him.

"Won't work."

[simon_doctor]

And of course it won't. Of course it won't. It didn't work when their father tried it, either.

Oh. Oh, Dad.

Simon's shoulders bow, and he slowly folds back down to sit beside her on the bed.

"There's no way I can talk you out of it. Is there."

[river_meimei]

She wilts, a little, against him.

"I promised."

No. He can't.

[simon_doctor]

His fear for her gives one last convulsive heave, and then lies still; not gone, but for the moment defeated.

Simon reaches out and gathers River into a hug.

"Be careful, meimei."

[river_meimei]

Her arms go around his neck, and she clings.

Just because she's determined doesn't mean she's not terrified.

[simon_doctor]

He rocks her, just slightly, back and forth.

"I'll be there."